Funny Divorce Quotes


We have the best collection of funny divorce quotes or funny quotes about divorce for you to enjoy and share.


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I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.
~ Elayne Boosler
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2
I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
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3
A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I’m about $100,000 short.
~ Mickey Rooney
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4
The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.
~ Johnny Carson
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5
Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.
~ Bob Hope
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6
You don't know a women till you've met her in court.
~ Norman Mailer
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7
It wasn't until I got divorced that I understood the value of money.
~ Melanie B
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8
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
~ Robin Williams
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9
You have no idea of the women I didn't marry.
~ Artie Shaw
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10
My divorce came to me as a complete surprise. That’s what happens when you haven’t been home in eighteen years.
~ Lee Travino
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11
One reason people get divorced is that they run out of gift ideas.
~ Anonymous
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12
Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest.
~ Helen Rowland
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13
She Got the Gold Mine, I Got the Shaft.
~ Jerry Reed
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14
The only solid and lasting peace between a man and his wife is, doubtless, a separation.
~ Lord Chesterfield
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15
She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.
~ Tommy Manville
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