Funny Sex Quotes


We have the best collection of funny sex quotes or funny quotes about sex for you to enjoy and share.


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1
My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
~ Les Dawson
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2
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to?
~ Bette Midler
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3
Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist.
~ Camille Paglia
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4
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
~ Milton Berle
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5
It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.
~ Marylyn Munroe
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6
Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
~ John Barrymore
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7
Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.
~ Arthur C. Clarke
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8
Sex... the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.
~ Lord Chesterfield
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9
Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.
~ Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
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10
Really, sex and laughter do go very well together, and I wondered - and I still do - which is more important.
~ Hermione Gingold
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11
I started out to be a sex fiend, but I couldn't pass the physical.
~ Robert Mitchum
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12
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
~ Woody Allen
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13
I wish I had as much in bed as I get in the newspapers.
~ Linda Ronstadt
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14
If someone had told me years ago that sharing a sense of humour was so vital to partnerships, I could have avoided a lot of sex.
~ Kate Beckinsale
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15
When I came here, I couldn’t speak a word of English, but my sex life was perfect. Now my English is perfect but my sex life is rubbish.
~ Julio Iglesias
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