Funny Wife Quotes


We have the best collection of funny wife quotes or funny quotes about wife for you to enjoy and share.


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It's relaxing to go out with my ex-wife because she already knows I'm an idiot.
~ Warren Thomas
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12
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, “There was water in the carburetor.” I asked her, “Where’s the car?” She replied, “In the lake.”
~ Henny Youngman
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13
The amount of women in London who flirt with their own husbands is perfectly scandalous. It looks so bad. It is simply washing one's clean linen in public.
~ Oscar Wilde
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14
My wife had a go at me last night. She said, "You'll drive me to my grave." I had the car out in thirty seconds.
~ Tommy Cooper
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15
I don't care if she doesn't know how to cook - so long as she doesn't know a good lawyer.
~ Errol Flynn
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16
Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never occurred to him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths.
~ Bertrand Russell
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17
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
~ Henny Youngman
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18
Plain women are always jealous of their husbands. Beautiful women never are. They are always so occupied with being jealous of other women's husbands.
~ Oscar Wilde
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19
How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.
~ Oscar Wilde
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20
My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"
~ Buddy Hackett
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